Set design:

This skit is a little different in that only one of the actors is located on the stage through most of the play. The remaining characters are seeded throughout the audience so that they unwittingly become part of the play themselves. The basic set is that of any church; a podium, some flowers and a microphone are all the props that are necessary.

Characters:

Pastor: well dressed with a demonstrative but defensive demeanor.

Bob Slaughter: a visiting missionary.

Woman: large and loudly dressed.

Young man: new to the faith, somewhat neurotic and full of questions.

Hippie couple: dressed shabby but comfortably.

Groaner: unassuming looking person.

Angel: dressed in a robe with flowing white hair and beard.

Scene: A small church with all characters except the pastor and the angel seated throughout the audience. The angel is in the back out of view as the pastor walks onto the stage approaching the podium singing amazing grace to the tune of house of the rising sun.

All except angel: [singing] Amazing grace how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.

Pastor: [beckoning with hand] everybody sing!

All except angel: I once was lost, but now I’m found, was blind but now I see.

Pastor: Amen and amen!

Woman: [with one arm raised] Hallelujah!

Groaner: [with arms raised] Oooooohg!

Pastor: Ain’t it good to be in the presence of the almighty?

Bob: Amen!

Pastor: What a beautiful day the Lord has made. Amen and amen!

Woman: Thank you Jesus.

Pastor: I want to thank you all for coming today; especially to our guests and visitors. I want to remind you that next weeks Pentecostal pot luck and social jamboree will be hosted by none other than our own missionary to Antarctica, Bob Slaughter! Stand up Bob.

Bob: [Stands and waves meekly]

Pastor: Good to have you back with us brother. Bob will be chewing on our ears about the importance of harkening to God’s call to the mission field in these perilous end times.

Woman: Preach it brother!

Young man: I love Jesus!

Groaner: [with arms raised] Ooooh, aaaaargh!

Pastor: [giving the groaner a cold look] Why I once knew a man who was called to the mission fields in Africa, but he didn’t go ‘cause his wife was afraid of snakes. Wasn’t even a year later she got bit by a rattler; didn’t even make it to the hospital.

Woman: Lord have mercy.

Pastor: Just goes to show, when God says jump, you ask how high on the way up.

Hippie girl: What a bunch of crap!

Bob and Woman: [inhaling sharply] Hhhuuuugh!

Pastor: [to the couple] Excuse me?

Hippie guy: What kind of god would nail a guy’s wife just for looking out for her emotional well being?

Hippie girl: What a farce!

Pastor: God didn’t kill her son; they stepped out of the protective will of the father by not going to Africa, that’s all.

Bob: God’s love is like an umbrella, you walk out from under it, your going to get rained on.

Woman: That’s right.

Young man: [rhetorically] God loves me, doesn’t he?

Bob: Of course he does son.

Groaner: Ooogh, aaaaaaagh, mother of God!

Pastor: [to the groaner] Sir, this is not that kind of church. Please behave yourself!

Hippie guy: what about Saul in the Bible, your God had him wipe out the Amalikites, man woman and child. Was this the protective will of God?

Pastor: [yelling] They were worshiping other gods!!!

Hippie girl: So do we!

Woman: Lord have mercy!

Hippie guy: What about all those children who had no choice?

Pastor: Saul killed those children out of mercy so that they would not endure the fires of hell.

Hippie girl: [laughing] Jehovah is an abortionist.

Young man: God took my mommy to be with Jesus.

Pastor: Look, I don’t know what you and your wife…

Hippie guy: she’s not my wife!

            [in unison]

Hippie girl: He’s not my husband!

Groaner: Aaaaaah, laaaagh, ooooh!!!

Woman: good Lord!

Pastor: [to the groaner] Sir, we do not appreciate Pentecostal fanaticism here. If you won’t stop I will have to ask you to leave!

Young man: When Jesus comes back, I get to go to heaven too.

Pastor: [to hippie couple] You do plan on getting married don’t you?

Hippie guy: Look mate, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Bob: But fornication is a sin!

Hippie girl: Hey, I don’t need this government’s or your concept of God’s permission concerning who I have sex with, Okay.

Pastor: It’s not just my opinion, it says in the word of God…

Hippie guy: What makes your world view any more valid than that of the fakirs and swamis of India?

Woman: [shocked] Such language!

Hippie guy: [yelling at woman] Fakirs, fakirs, not fuckers you stupid twit!!!

Young man: Jesus loved my mommy and took her away.

Groaner: Aaaarrrgh, uuuuugh uuuuumma gaaaaa!!!

Pastor: [to the groaner] Sir, that’s enough! Where in the hell did you come from anyway?

Groaner: [pointing up] The balcony!

Young man: [crying] I want my mommy!

Bob: Maybe we should close in prayer Pastor.

Pastor: Yes, yes, [pauses and bows his head] Father… we thank you for this day and for the fact that you not an opinion, but a reality…

Hippie girl: Oh brother.

Pastor: I pray that you will guide us in your will that we may prosper and be at peace. Please protect our troops and keep them safe…

[Angel slowly walks to the stage and motions the pastor aside as he finishes the prayer.]

Pastor: …we trust in you O Lord to meet our daily needs. To you be the glory, Amen.

Angel: [addressing all] The Lord has heard your prayer and has sent me to finish what you have left unsaid. For every stone tossed into the waters causes far reaching ripples, as well as one less stone upon the shore. [looks up with arms out stretched] Oh great one most secret these would also beseech you that others would go without and die in poverty so that they could indeed prosper, that others would die in conflict so that they will live in peace, and that others will be without their daily needs so that they will have their needs met. For some to be rich, others must be poor, for some to live in peace, others must die in war, and for some to have, others must be without. This is the true meaning and intent of the prayer you have spoken.